if you write in my name for president

and I make it to the white house without getting murdered by insurance executives and oil companies and weapons merchants, and bankers, and right wing fascists and left wing collaborators, or by religous woman haters or the catholic church or the mafia, (same) or the fundamentalist zionists (bankers), billionaires, oil sheiks, muslim woman haters, female lackeys of patriarchy, or any other satanic thing, then I promise that I will give each american a great job free health care and free college educations, forgive all student loans, legalize marijuana, appoint a 51% female cabinet (for proper representation of citizens) and end each and every war forever, make peace in the middle east, institute solar energy, kick out the fed, arrest the entire Monsanto family, and outlaw their concerns, end prison for profit contracts on our immigrant workers and our children, and out law the poisoning of water air and people by chemtrails in the sky and every other insane thing that this government passes into law each and every day.  I will usher in an age of reason, science and sanity, of feminism, and gyn/ecology and peace and prosperity, all within my first 100 days in office, I swear by everything Holy in me.  I will do it for a fraction of the military budget in which billion dollar drones are created to kill innocent civilians.  I will instead institute a plan for greening and gardening and growing fine veggies to eat, and create a system of barter that will take us into the next century.  vote for me, I KNOW HOW TO SAVE THE USA!!