friend betsy salkind's hilarious torah send up!:

don’t get me wrong, i love the torah like all good jews do, but–it has a lot of crazy stuff in it…about noah torturing ravens and birds and such…and then getting raped by his son. these are not stories that children should hear, I say…we need a new bible now and I am writing it myself, just like joseph smith and moses and bar yochai did. My bible is called “the Bible for Bitches”, ’cause bitches are goddesses. Bitches know what needs to be done and how to make sure it all gets done too.