While I was pregnant with my son Buck, and needed to stay calm in the middle of a hurricane, in order not to miscarry, I learned about Kabballistic meditation. Being able to marshal all of my will, all of my force, and all of my mind’s ability to focus helped me to stop being dissociative, as well as to successfully hang onto my pregnancy until it came full term, and said living boy was born. Because I wanted my son to come to earth and hang out with me so badly, I knew that I would have to travel back in time and undue an ill conceived agreement that took away from my power to be mindful and at peace. I called my Rabbi, Rav Berg, and I said, “I want to make a confession to you.” “I know you do,” he said, as he is one smart Rabbi. “You come to my house for lunch tomorrow,” he told me. “I will,” I said, hoping that those young Iranian Jews who cooked for him would make that fantastic lamb dish. When I got there, I saw that we were going to have steak, which was smelling delicious. Before I asked the Rav for his blessings, he began to talk to me. “Did you know that Rebbe Shimon says in the Zohar, that dogs are the reincarnations of bad rabbis?” “No,” I said, thinking, “How innocent and quaint,” and all those things I think when a Rabbi talks. “Yes, that is what it says in the book. You know my wife’s dog, Murray, right?” “Yes, of course I do,” I said. During a synagogue service once, I told my son, Buck, that Murray was exactly like a human being, as is anything that possesses a spinal column, as the mystics say. So, Buck got down on the floor (he was only five then) and told Murray that he better start listening to people who were bigger than he was. Buck said to him, “Now, I am bigger than you are, so you should come over here and sit by me right now.” Murray did not, so I asked Buck, “Do you think maybe that Murrah only speaks in Hebrew?” “I never thought that animals could speak another language at all!” said my son. “It just goes to show you the things we don’t think sometimes, huh?” I said. “Yeah,” said Buck.
“Sit down here,” The Rav then said and so I did. The steaks looked like they cost twenty dollars each, really really good ones.
The Iranian girls had made a tomato salad too, and olives and other tasty things, and they poured delicious red wine for us to drink. It was Heaven on Earth, sitting there with the Rav, who was watching the Rev. John Haggee on the TV. “That guy is good,” the Rav said, “He knows a lot about Torah, but…unfortunately, he is incorrect in many many ways.” Then, he got back to his original story. “I am the re-incarnation of Chaim Luzzato, who wrote many many books on Kabballah, until threatened with excommunication, he, that is I, and who then disavowed all that he had written.” “Oh,” I said. “Yes, and Murray is the reincarnation of the rabbi who threatened to have me excommunicated. For denying the Zohar as sacred, I had to come back here as me and publish as many books about its greatness as I possibly can in my lifetime, to get the job done for once and for all, and he has to be my wife’s dog. He knows I should hate him, and in fact he thinks I do hate him. He is always running away from me whenever he sees me. So, I thought about what to do, and here is what it is,”— and with that, he cut the heart of his delicious looking steak out, the very best part, and he called Murray over. From his own fork, he fed the dog the very choicest piece of the steak. Turning to me then, he said, “It kills him that I go out of my way to be kind to him. I am getting no negative karma for blowing the guy’s mind, because kindness is always the right thing to do, even if we do not like someone. Think about what I am telling you, and think about this too—the Zohar tells us that on Shabbat, no evil inclination of any kind can exist. It is the day of Peace because there is no Duality on that day in the Soul.” I knew then that I could integrate my split personality, simply by exorcizing the Satanic part of me, that made the pact with Satan as a twelve year old girl.
Every word of this story is true, by the way.
How does one undo a Satanic contract, you ask? Well you must first get the string and the herbs, the hair, blood and the rum together in just the right combination, and then into the mirror you must gaze, jumping through all of Hell’s hoops to get that face-to-face meeting with Lucifer Himself, in order to anthropomorphically conjure Him.
He is actually very sheltered by millions of those who in life worked in PR and are now his minions in Hell, plus, He has a schedule to keep and is very very busy here in Hollywood, as you might well imagine. However, because I was still quite a big deal at the time, I guess, Satan was suitably impressed, or so it seemed, as a date and time as well as place were settled upon. At last, the pre-appointed day arrived.
I began to dress for what was perhaps the most important meeting of my sub-conscious life. I thought about wearing the usual all black thing, but it seemed so boring to me, after really giving it some thought. I wanted to establish a power look right from the beginning, and so I chose an all red outfit, with the skirt that had little red beads, at the hem, with a lowcut red bustier, red high heels, nails and lips, and red chopstix, at a jaunty angle stuck in my updo’d bun, the one I had worn to the Emmy’s that year. Low key like.
Of course, I made it known ahead of time that I would be picking up the enormous tab where we dined, at the Puck place, Spago, on Beverly. They would still seat me off the street at one of the best tables, back then, behind my wonderful friend Marvin Davis, who hated everything and everyone just like you and I do. He was quite Beelzebubbian in many ways, himself. He did what he had to do to stay on top, and I admired that strategy at the time. The billions that everyone thought he had became only millions after his death, and every cent of them were in the equity of the house he had built, which turned out to be worth only fifty million dollars. Almost a tear down, really. He, like everyone else here, had lived and died beyond his means, and left a grieving family who could no longer afford to live in the manner of the financial smoke and mirrors to which they had grown accustomed.
After saying hello to Marvin, as I always did, I sat down and ordered a cocktail. I wanted to remain clear headed, knowing the task I had at hand, and so I drank only one Belvedere martini filthy with three olives while I sat there, waiting. His people had told my people to tell me that I would know him when I saw Him. However, it seemed to me that every man in a suit who entered could have possibly been Him, but when none of them looked my way, I finally just gave up anticipating him at all.
At first I had no doubt that he was going to show up, but as the moments ticked away, I began not to be too sure. Perhaps this was just one of the games he played with people like me, letting us just sit and wait all alone, until it dawned on us that we had been stood up, passed over, and ignored by a Powerful Source, the worst of all realizations for anyone in Hollywood. Being stood up in Public. I began to doubt my powers of persuasion at that time. I thought, “Maybe the usual flattering bullshit didn’t work on ‘The Trickster Extraordinaire.’
My face was beginning to feel hot, and I wished I had worn the black instead. I picked up my phone to see if I could get a last minute replacement guest, just so I wouldn’t be sitting there all alone in red, and sticking out like a sore thumb. That is a terrible thing for a famous person, sticking out like a sore thumb in public in Hollywood, alone! Everyone and their brother, after stalking you for a moment or two, and getting their pitch together, will commence to push their screenplay, or idea for a movie on you, and that is almost a fate worse than death.
I almost freaked when I first saw Him. He looked just like my ex-husband, Tom Arnold! I thought that He, being Satan would order a “Bloody Mary”, or a “Manhattan,” but was surprised to see that Ice Water was his drink of choice. He couldn’t seem to get enough of it either!
“You look thinner than I thought,” were his first words to me. “I thought I would start out with a joke.” He said next, happy to make me feel fat shamed. “Yeah?” I said, not to be outdone, “You look like Hell!” “Zing!” he laughed, shooting me with an imaginary gun. He then started to tell me about Sammy Davis Jr., but I stopped Him, because Mr. Davis was an Idol of mine, and I would not hear anything negative about him. Not after that wonderful time he and my sister and myself had met and talked in New York, which I will write about in another chapter.
“You look like someone I knew once,” I said. “Really,” is what he said back, but more as an ironic statement, than as a question. Even though he looked like my ex- husband, He had table manners and did not make slurping noises, lick his lips constantly, nor did he jiggle his legs uncontrollably, so it was quite disconcerting in many ways. It was as if the familiar was becoming alien.
Ironically, he asked about Tom, too. “He remarried a tall blonde model type, didn’t he?” “Of course he did,” I replied. The Devil just laughed and said, “Birds of a Feather…She is going to cheat on him next year, with the pool boy…LOL! Karma is indeed a bitch.” I couldn’t help it and I laughed and laughed, at the thought that what goes around does indeed come around, or so it seems sometimes. Other times, when you hear that Pol Pot died peacefully and rich, and George W. sleeps fine at night, you question the whole idea of Karma, but, you just never really know for sure who is really working for the Devil, and who is really working for G-d. No one can agree on who is who, for sure, and what each is trying to get us to do, or to say, or to believe. Once we know that, we can get on about our business and make things happen, I figure!
The Joker asked if I still talked to Tom, or to Jim Cameron or Arnold Schwarzenegger, or Jaime Lee Curtis, or anyone that was in the movie called, “True Lies.” “No,” I had to admit, I had moved out of that world totally, once I realized that there was no place for me in it.
There were simply no hotter names in Hollywood than Jim Cameron and Arnold S. at that time. They had achieved billions in box office with the movie, “The Terminator,” which featured state of the art computer science, and at a Pentagon Level, too. The fact that the tired hackneyed, sexist dialogue did not detract in any way from the success of the film was certainly not lost on anyone in Hollywood, which is a place where writers with original ideas that in any way challenge the status quo are actually looked down upon. Scripts like Jim writes, that have happy endings, challenge nothing, and kill a lot of people in various ways are big sellers. He and Arnold had had hit the box office jackpot together again with “True Lies.”
“Well, if you do ever talk to Jim again, you should tell him to do a movie about the Titanic someday, and the guy will end up King of the World!” Satan offered. “You tell him yourself,” I said, “Can’t you do that?” I lobbed the ball his way. He said, “I would like to tell him directly, but I have some kind of trepidation come over me whenever I start to think about movies, and the people who make them” He lobbed back.
As we sat, perusing the menu, we began to overhear snippets from mortals about some Hollywood business deals, box office openings, that soon were eclipsed by the drunken trivial gossip loudly spoken by non-Jewish second wives at big tables about what assholes their Jewish husbands were, but how generous and caring as well, and what surprisingly good fathers they made at age 100. I think I said, “There but for Your grace go I, sir.” He laughed, and then he said, “You would never have found a rich Jewish guy to marry you! They like thin and sexy young blondes, not fat pushy Jewish broads!” and we both had quite a laugh at that. “You are pretty funny,” I said, starting to shine his ass.
“Coming from you, that is quite the complement!” he shined back.
We decided to try the beet tower and the fatted calf, still listening in as the “girl talk” from the big table got louder and drunker, and the de rigeur flirting with the obviously gay waiter began. We rolled our eyes as the waiter pretended to be a top, when he was really obviously a bottom, in order to seduce the unhappily bored and aging gold digger to help him get an audition for one of the many agents she knew.
“That guy, you might be interested to know, is going to make it pretty big, and will be dating Jennifer Aniston in about eighteen months. He has a red carpet in his near future.” Satan shared. “How do you know that?” I asked. He said, “How the heck do you think I know, that, Ms. Roseanne, C’mon now!?” and we laughed some more. I relaxed a little. This was not going to be as hard as I had first thought, I realized.
After all those laughs, and all that delicious food, He suggested that we adjourn for a bit of an evening stroll. We walked down Wilshire Blvd for a few blocks, just until we saw a movie star or two walking around trying to score drugs/ impersonal sex, and then, he grabbed my arm and turned a fast left, stopped finally, in back of Nate and Al’s Deli.
I used to go there every Sunday for breakfast, and look longingly over at the table of great writers, and comics (all men) that met there each week. I hoped they would invite me to be included in their group sometime, since I was a comic and a writer myself, and I had a hit show that was on the air. However, since I was not male, they never did do that, though they invited male comics my age to join them, while I sat there, waving and smiling. I can’t remember if they all died or I moved, but sooner or later, I had stopped going in there to eat.
“When I think back to the deal we made, sometimes now, I wish I had included other things in it that I didn’t think of back then,” I said. “I should have asked you to make me more comfortable in one on one conversations. Maybe that way, I could have saved myself a lot of trouble. I seemed always to be looking for a mediator, and they never really looked out for me at all. They mostly just used me to get what they wanted, and made deals that benefitted them, instead of me. I wish that I had handled my own affairs now, instead of attracting so many scoundrels and criminals to me.” He said, “Well, you can’t expect to make a large amount of money and avoid the criminal element completely.” I immediately knew that he was right about that.
“I thought it would be easier, and not as unpleasant as it is, this fame and fortune stuff that you promised me. I didn’t realize there would be a hook in it!” I said. He replied, “I didn’t offer, you did. You dictated the terms of our agreement yourself, if you will recall.” I had to admit that He was right about all of that.
“I just didn’t think it was going to be difficult,” I said. “I thought it was going to be easy and somewhat fun, and that I would be included, not excluded from the social part of it all.” “Well,” He said, “You expected to come out of nowhere, fat female and funny, and a deep thinker, and be accepted by your peers?” He shook his head, “I thought you knew no one likes fat girls who can throw down a slam line! Isn’t that why you got involved with me in the first place?” “No,” I said, “I wanted to be rich and famous, certainly, but I thought all that fun stuff went along with that.” “You were off the mark, babe.” He pissily replied.
“I want out of the contract!” I spat out.
Let me tell you, reader, there is smirking, and there is smirking. I thought Dick Cheney’s was the epitome, until I saw Big Daddy’s bloody fangs clearly behind the curled lip. “Of course you want out, now that you have taken everything I gave you! But that won’t be possible, little Girly!”
I said, “I am going to walk away from a multi-million dollar endorsement deal.”
“HOLD ON!” He shrieked, “What are you are saying?”
I dropped the bomb, “I am going to walk away from shares in a multi-billion-dollar network, that includes intellectual property, publishing and internet rights, and a production company with four guaranteed pilots, and a restaurant franchise.”
The Devil then lunged, grabbed me by my hair, lifted me into the air and tossed me onto one of the plastic garbage cans full of old discarded cabbage and lox. He snickered, and slobbered in my face that I could not be allowed to take responsibility for myself, because I belonged to him and owed him my soul, as per our agreement in 1964, signed as a twelve year old in my own blood after pricking my sausage-like young finger in my bedroom in Salt Lake City Utah. He produced the paper and held it in his slimy green fingers.
“See right here?” He snarled, “It clearly states that the party of the first part, which is YOU, does heretofore agree that upon Its death, It will willingly give up what is left of Its soul after fame and fortune are introduced into the world around It, and whereas said Party of the First Part, heretofore known as Petitioner, without having to lose any weight will have male attentions and marriages, not excluding sexual satisfaction and designer clothing in size XL, and one of three best tables in the most exclusive restaurants with only a phone call, needing no previous reservations, and will always be seated next to the host of any party in Hollywood, whereas at pre-agreed sequence upon death, as stated within this notarized document, subsequent to these terms and perks and upon payment made, not excluding and indeed including those terms pre agreed upon, and upon evacuation of said Party Petitioner’s physical remains, said soul of Petitioner of First Part will without further argument or adieu be deposited in account of Second Party, of the First Part which of course, is ME!” Then he showed me my signature.
Instead of arguing with Him further, I felt pity for Him then instead, that He needed to destroy things and people in order to feel powerful, despite the fact that He already controlled almost everything on earth anyway, from the stock market to the Vatican, from Clear Channel Telecommunications to the Diet Industry and the Pharmaceutical Companies, Wal-mart, the Fashion Industry and Google Inc.
Realizing that He would never feel that He had enough of anything, and therefore understood the value of Nothing At All, I asked, “It must be hard to be You, in a lot of ways.”
He was completely taken off guard, and the sneer turned into more of a snicker, as he said, “That’s a first! Usually people either love me or hate me, or ignore me altogether, but, I have to admit, your trying to make me human is kind of intriguing to Me. I am really looking forward to the time when I will be feasting on your original mind like it’s a veritable Buffalo Chicken Wing”. Then He laughed. “Using the oldest trick in the book on me, are you? Flattery might just work on me, that’s what you’re thinking, right? It’s kind of cute.”
He explained to me, after much of my masterful cajoling, which consisted of saying things like, “I’m sure you have your side of the whole existential question that has never been heard, but, I just want to hear it for myself. I am not really trying to flatter you at all, I just want to hear something different and new and fresh once in a while!”
Encouraging a Devil to talk about himself in the third person is the fastest way of getting control of him, that nugget of wisdom being the crowning jewel of what I have gleaned from living 57 years here, as a woman.
Unable to resist speaking about Himself, He suggested we turn around and walk over to Rodeo a few blocks. As He looked into the windows of The Chanel Store, He said, “You are a Kabbalist right?” (At that time a woman Kabbalist was a secretive mystic, and not a Popstar who gets Botox injections).
“Well, my family was Orthodox, so yes, I know some of the whole Torah thing,” I said, downplaying everything. “Don’t waste either of our time with false modesty, ” He said. “You were kind of like Barbra Streisand’s ‘Yentl’, as a kid! You loved to discuss Torah with adults from a young age. It was a refuge from reality for you, painful as that was.” “Yes, I know Torah” I admitted.
“Let Me pose a question now,” He said, “Why did you conjure me to help you get famous and rich? Why didn’t you ask G-d to help you do it?”
“I just sort of knew that G-d would rather I lead a Kosher Life instead of telling dirty jokes, smoking, drinking and being bawdy and narcissistic. I wanted to have the excitement that seemed to be in Your Realm, instead. Your realm is so immediate, whereas G-d’s has no timeline whatsoever. I could not stand seeing my cousins Debbie and David rewarded constantly for being light skinneded, and possessing only mediocre talents. I could not stand to think that being a fat ugly dark girl with no ass doomed me to a lifetime of anonymity, when I can dance like I dance, sing like I sing, and act as well as any of my own acting idols.
I wanted Justice for my Talent!! G-d seemed too busy to care about fairness in my world, or so it seemed at the time. People who did not pray to Him for hours a day like I did, and even people who did not even worship Him at all, were not suffering like I felt I was. He did nothing to stop that at all, ever, despite my pleading and my devotion. Everyone else had a boyfriend too, as I sat alone in my room reading and missing every party, and all the excitement that laid behind the bright lights of Salt Lake City Utah, and its vast pleasures. Strange as it seems now, I thought You could use me in Your agenda and I wanted to be in the thick of things, where the money was. I actually thought that if I made a lot of money, I could get around a lot of rich people and convince them that they had the power to make laws that would turn all the bad in the world around, and cause it to be good, like G-d wants it to be. I thought, that if I had a lot of money, and did good and charitable things for people with it, that in the End, the good things I had done would outweigh the bad, and my soul could Rest In Peace. “In other words, you thought that you could use ME for your own agenda.” He pointed out. He was right too, I thought. “Also, I wanted to get rich and famous, to prove that I was worth something, I guess.” I admitted. “One cannot have One’s cake and eat it too, Missie,” He reminded me.
He looked me right in the eye and started to change in appearance. He got very Bill Clinton looking, explaining very softly how His Agenda is different from the agenda of His followers, for whom He had nothing but contempt. He said that He, personally, does not crave power cocaine, money, celebrity and supermodels to have sex with; His followers do!
His followers, He told me, were stupid to think that He gets off on or admires the predatory and evil things that they do to other people as they service their Lust for blood, money, fame, drugs, lawyers, guns and Production Companies. Satan told me that the truth is, He has no choice but to do business with the worst people on earth, because G-d makes Him do it.
I said “So you are actually taking the moral high ground then, in a way, according to your own version of the way things are?” “Right On!” he said, wide eyed, and finally feeling understood, completely falling into my trap.
I asked if He knew why God wants things done like that, and He said that, yes, He did know, and that it’s all because God wants Evil to exist. God also wants people to think they have a choice when they really don’t. The way God figures it, Satan explained, people need to believe that even the most evil part of evil is always able to be redeemed. I said, “But Satan, do YOU think that You are redeemable?”
“I certainly hope not!” He chortled.
All full of Himself, and purposely missing my point, He said “I cannot imagine a world that would exist without Me!”
Narrowing his eyes and staring at me, perhaps starting to realize the game I was playing with Him, He said, “You are wrong in every way, actually, but that is the flaw in your design. You humans need to feel like you are right about things, that you are smarter than each other, smarter than nature, smarter than me and smarter than G-d Almighty, especially you Jews! You cannot win this one, Shana Rifka.” He used my childhood name, my Hebrew name that I had been called back in the day. “I have a contract that is signed in your own blood, and everything you wanted was delivered.”
Inspired by Judith, my matriarchal biblical mentor, I stepped forward, getting ready to cut off the enemy’s head. “I am not happy with fame and fortune! This whole thing between me and You, is also between me and G-d! Of course you know that I speak to Him too, right? I think that I can get out on a technicality.”
He said nothing this time, but his tongue darted out and picked a fly out of the air, crushed it with his front four teeth and then swallowed it. He started to look down at his Tom Ford designed slacks. “What technicality? Are you crazy? There is no technicality whatsoever! What technicality?” he repeated for the third time, getting warmer.
Before he could go any further, I hurriedly said, “Let’s hit the Salad Bar at RJ’s, and wrap this whole mess up”. We walked by the Cheesecake Factory on our way, and though tempted, we passed. RJ’s was quiet as usual, and we loaded our chilled plates with all the lettuce and beans and imitation crab salad that they could contain. Deviled eggs, my favorite things on earth repulsed him, and He marveled that I could out eat him, when I had just finished a meal at Spago not an hour before. He seemed just to pick at his concoction. He stared at me a lot, and I stared back, attempting to look as calm as I could.
I went for it, “My soul has been dying ever since the first day I signed with you for representation.” I said. “We can still be friends, though, can’t we?” He smirked. “No, actually we can’t, ” I said, seriously.
Then he said, “I’ll always be around and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“Can we talk about Torah for a minute?” I asked, knowing that It tells me the right questions must evoke the True answers. “My favorite thing to do as well,” He said, perking up.
I continued, “Going by Torah, the story book that You exist in, I see that Your own Contract with G-d and Man says that You must take the Sabbath day off.” By the look on His Face he knew that I knew that I had Him. Not many females had read every word and marveled at the coded meanings and the byzantine curving moral at the heart of Monotheism, as I had, those first twelve of my years, spent mostly alone, hungering for G-d’s protection from the everyday horrors of living the life I lived then.
“I realized now that we signed that contract on Shabbat” “Yes, go on,” he said, excitedly. “Well I chose the worst day to enter into a pact with you, because that day was G-d’s Holy Day. He stifled a chuckle. “Continue, then” He coaxed me on. “Well,” I continued on, as coaxed, “It turns out in G-d’s little joke world, that Shabbat is also the only day where Your Presence is Absent. Therefore, because you had no authority that day, our contract is Null and Void.” There was silence. He then burst out laughing, “You have to admit that it’s so cool that the worst day to make a deal with Me, is also the best Day to make a deal with Me. C’mon, it’s called a conundrum. Cool, isn’t it?”
I said, “ I think it’s funny that winning/destroying a soul is not what You want at all. It’s the constant struggle with G-d that keeps You Both in it to win it! Your Minions endlessly re-enact the struggle between Good and Evil, because not only are they all helplessly Bi-polar, but because they are 99% incapable of actually choosing Good! Now that is hilarious!!” He had to admit I had him there. I told Him what I think He should do, is sign with Bert Field or another lawyer of that caliber, and legally take control of His own brand. All He really needs is the right to sue anyone who references Him without asking permission. For Satan to be able to control what is said in His name for once, and to have a say in how His name is used, might very well keep the worst of the worst of people from referencing Him or G-d, or either of Their Images/ Intellectual Properties. That would be the dawn of the True Messianic Age, I think.
He isn’t that bad a guy I found out, until he takes human form and starts talking about how G-d wants people to act, and to do, and how they should be punished for falling short of unattainable perfection.
“You can’t have it both ways,” He said, unable to not have the last word. “If you choose to undo this contract, you could end up penniless, and institutionalized. No one walks away from Money. They may walk away from G-d every second of every day, but, Money is Money.”
“That threat might have worked to keep others in your stall, Sir,” I said, “Others who really don’t understand what a good Joke Everything Is, but I am a Comedian! We don’t ever do anything for money! We do what we do because we like to kill falsehood, and You are everything False! You want me to believe that I have no choice! But I know that I do. There are jokes and there are jokes, and there is right and there is wrong. I think that laughing YOU to scorn is something I will continue to do, no matter what, because basically, as long as I do that, my soul is still mine. You, Sir, have no sense of humor about Your self, and that is downright funny to me!!
I walked away from the money, trusting that I would be Ok without billions, and learned to live with dignity instead, on the scant millions I had managed to squirrel away.
The Devil, in a subsequent discussion said, “I gotta say I’m kind of proud of you, Roseanne, that you were able to piece the whole puzzle and code together. It’s a doozy, isn’t it?” I had to admit that it was indeed a doozy, that the worst thing in the world is when the most egomaniacal and narcissistic of all humans, those involved in the Entertainment Industry in Hollywood, never ever thank Satan at the televised award shows for helping them to achieve the fame that subsequently makes them sooner or later hit bottom, which is where most people start to see the Light! He is goddamned good and sick of Hollywood for allowing that shit to go on! Instead, he pointed out, they ignorantly thank G-d, who put them in danger in the first place.
“These fucking retarded hypocrites who invoke G-d would crap their pants to know that they are where I get all of my power!” He exclaimed with gleeful bitterness while we watched the Grammy’s and the Oscars. “It’s just the best joke of all, isn’t it? I must say there is nothing more enjoyable than a good paradox! What a fucking hoot, that thanking G-d for winning meaningless and ridiculous egocentric honors is the absolute worst thing a person can do, aside from organizing huge benefit dinners where billionaires get together and raise 200K for the poor and suffering!” He said, totally cracking up. “You have got to admit that that shit is hilarious!” He demanded, looking for more flattery from me. That is where I take another swig, and say, Yes You are right that You are everything wrong.” Touche!
He gets pissed when I confront Him “Duality was created to confuse humans, right? So that people would not figure out that this place is hell, and in order to escape it, they must create Heaven themselves, aren’t I right, Mr. God-Devil?” Unmasked at last, He says, “All roads lead to Rome.”
He hates it most of all when I say, “I know that You do not exist, and neither does God, because to exist, You would have to come here and incarnate onto this planet, where Hell is, and neither of You dare to do that. Instead You both whisper and hide and play Your little games with people like me who need help in transmuting our depression and mania.” “Well how else to tell the great story of the suffering and the Divine in Humanity then? If you can come up with a better story, then do it!”
I do not fear him, because I know how to get rid of him now, whenever I want to. I tell Him that I sometimes really feel sorry for Him. He stops then, as if in shock. Feeling mercy is The Super Duper Secret Weapon against Him, revealed to me in the Knick of Time. He cannot exist anywhere there is compassion or empathy. He simply falls to dust and blows away.
6 Prayers to shift the war energy by Cathy BilskyI bundled these prayers to make it easier to focus on shifting the war energy in our troops and other military’s in the world. Please feel free to share.1.To help those in the military & police shift to a higher consciousness2.Working with all in the israeli military to help them reconnect to the Divine Creator3.Helping veterans from all wars heal body, mind & soul as we help them reconnect to the Creator.4.Prayer to set the military men and woman free from bondage5.To put mercenaries in positions of harmlessness. NOW6.Prayer to set all elementals of war free especially what is in all dod ManuelTo help those in the military & police shift to a higher consciousness by Cathy Bilskyby Cathy BilskyYou may send your earth work thru my big earth Keeper Crystal to amplify your work.I call to the Higher selves of everyone in the military & police , foreign and domestic, to help you step forward in the light reconnect with the creator and become conscious beings. See all the protesters and people of foreign lands as your family , friends, aunts, uncles, sons and daughters and lay down your weapons, choosing not to hurt nor harm anyone. This includes all in need in our country that was hurt by natural disasters.We ask the Divine to awaken your spiritual being allowing love ,compassion, kindness,caring,peace and Divine love to flow thru your body, mind and spirit.We ask your higher selves to let you do humanitarian works that bring you joy. The more good you do the happier you become.We call to all elementals of war that we now cut you free from your masters, cleanse with the violet flame, reconnecting you to the Creator. and command you to be neutral. to misfire, not work, go off course and choose not to hurt nor harm any life form. See all police and military equipment breaking down and not functioning if not being used to help humanity.We send lots of protection, light and Divine inspiration to those peaceful protesters and all in need of help. See all religious groups coming together and working out a Divinely inspired MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL plan for every one in the country.May Divine- peace- calm- brotherhood-enlightened inspiration for putting together a balanced government descend around every one NOW…and continue to flow 24/7 365 days a year. Never the less not our will but thy will be done.So be it!Working with all in the israeli military to help them reconnect to the Divine Creator by Cathy Bilskyby Cathy BilskyI call to the higher selves of everyone in the israeli military where ever they are at work including all spies, agents of mossad to help them step forward in the light, reconnect with the Creator and become conscious beings. See all Palestinians, Arabs and all protesters speaking out against you as your family, friends, aunts, uncles, sons and daughters and lay down your weapons, choosing not to hurt nor harm anyone.A call to the Higher Selves everyone in the israeli military where ever they are at work including all spies, agents of mossad and I ask your higher selves Divinely Inspire you in all ways of stopping and preventing war and to put your energies toward more humanitarian efforts. That all research and manufacturing of all nuclear, electromagnetic, laser, microwave, star-war type, chemical, biological, germ, sound or other scientific warfare is immediately halted and dismantled. I call to the decision-makers of israeli armies…all high ranking members and ask your higher selves to help you come forward into the Light. If you choose not to work for human kind (free will) I ask that you’re Higher Selves and the Angels put you in a position of total harmlessness and that a peace worker take your place. Or no one at all.We ask the Divine to awaken your spiritual being allowing love, compassion, kindness, caring, peace and Divine love to flow thru your body, mind and spirit. We see this happening as your reptilian brain is shut down and your God brain activated.We ask your Higher selves to help you become conscious beings able to see clearly all military commands that are given with the courage to refuse bullets, not kill, hurt nor harm any living being. Refusing to go on kill missions for you now see everyone as family. Refusing shots and bullets. We send all of you lots of divine courage to refuse to be redeployed. You are all supported by your family and friends for these conscious decisions. If you choose to go AWOL than go back and fight may you all be invisible to all military and police authorities able to hide in plain site.We call to all the elementals of war you use cutting them free from your misuse, cleanse with the violet flame, reconnecting to the Creator. And command the elementals to be neutral. To misfire, not work, go off course and choose not to hurt nor harm any life form.May Divine- peace- calm- brotherhood-enlightened inspiration for putting together a balanced government descend around every one NOW…and continue to flow 24/7 365 days a year.We see israel and Palestine come to a mutually beneficial 2-state solution.We bless all the peace keepers and those who have the courage not to go to war against anyone.May their ranks grow and swell so they become the majority and the peace keepers run all countries.Never the less not our will but thy will be done.So be it!Helping veterans from all wars heal body, mind & soul as we help them reconnect to the Creator. By Cathy BilskyI call to the Higher Selves of all war veterans, past present and future who has been in a domestic or foreign war and ask for permission to do this work for you.In the name of the presence of God, which I AM, through the magnetic power of the sacred fire vested in me, I command:I call to Michael the Arch Angel and ask that you take your sword of blue flame and cut all ties to any energy these men and women may have taken on that is not theirs. Whether from family, friends, relatives, acquaintances, strangers, people they have worked with, fought with or fought against, any officer in command or any church official of any kind. This includes all world military’s domestic and foreign. As this energy is removed from them like an onion skin we send it back to God. They fill up with their Divine essence.I ask Michael to cut all ties to any reptilian dinosaur energy, secret societies, and organized religion. Cutting all ties to any oaths, vows, curse, hexes and rituals that may have been done to them or their family’s going backwards and forwards hundreds of thousands of generations. Or anything they may have done consciously or unconsciously. Let this unwanted energy be peeled from them like an onion skin, sending it back to the Creator and these beings will fill up with more of their Divine essence.I command Michael to cut all ties to any effigies that may have been misused against them in any war foreign or domestic. Including anything they own, cloths, hair, picture, their name spoken, written or just thought of; or anything they have their energy on. As we cut the ties to these elementals I call the violet flame through them to clean them up, the Angelite energy to heal them and we seal them in the pink flame of love. COMMANDING them to be neutral or only emitting love.I command Michael now remove all energy implants done to these men and woman due to black magic, black witch craft or Voodoo that could have carried over from any life time, past, present and future. See all this unneeded energy now being removed from all their chakras or anywhere in their bodies that is out of balance. We now peel this energy off of them like an onion skin and send that energy back to the Creator. They fill up with more of their Divine healing essence.I ask Michael to now come forth and cut all ties to patriarchy, genocide, rape, incest, slavery, prostitution, persecution, circumcision, removing any overlays that are trying to manipulate them keeping them from being connected to the Creator, healing themselves, being successful in all their Divine missions and being filled with Joy. As all this unwanted energy is removed from them that is keeping all these wonderful things from coming to them we send that energy back to the Creator and they fill up with more of their Divine essence. We see this Divine energy giving them all the Divine strength, will and inspiration they need to move their lives forward in divine joy. See these veterans draw to themselves everything they now need to heal for free. Along with people, money, pro bono attorneys for any law suits they have wrongfully against them or to help with rightful Government claims that is being with held from them. We see them getting lots of good press in all Medias.A call to the Higher Self of all veterans every where to reawaken to the knowledge and soul remembrance, of what it is like to be in perfect balance and harmony with your balanced masculine and feminine side and of what it feels like to be connected with Divine Energy. In your mind’s eye, see Light being added to all veterans DNA structures. See this change become a new/old soul memory changing inside Mother Earth’s DNA structure as well. See this Divine Light being directed to everyone’s heart and brains, especially the part of the brain that is reptilian, adding emotions and feelings to that part of all reptilian and human brains (Cosmos Wide). Replacing the reptilian war/gladiator mentality with one that is reconnected spiritually.I call to the Higher Selves of everyone on this planet and ask that, as a group, we petition to Helios and Vista that the Violet Flame blaze through earth and all humanity to erase the past, present and future karma created from the off balanced patriarchal warring energy. I call to Michael the Archangel to cut all ties and binds from all life forms, the Earth, Angels, elementals and the unbalanced masculine energy. As all ties and binds are cut, see them being transmuted by the Violet Flame and see those empty spaces being filled with Divine Inspiration, Wisdom and Divine Heart to function from. Replace this energy with balanced harmonious Divine female/male energy.I command that this integration with all war veterans be gentle, loving and kind and let all apply this new energy in very practical ways. In your mind’s eye, see this balance affecting all generations backwards and forwards, as a ripple of water flowing in harmony with nature. See a burst of Balanced Divine Energy affecting all incarnations on earth at once. See everyone’s DNA cells, atoms and molecules raised to a higher vibration of Divine Light. Let each atom, cell and molecule in humanity and the earth be connected with the Divine Energy source creating Divine BalanceI call to the Higher Selves of all war veterans (past, present and future) to step forward into the light. Cut all the ties Michael the Archangel & Shiva to unbalance, , patriarchy, genocide, incest, greed, power, gladiator mentality, war, violence, gladiator mentality, rape pillage and plunder of earth and all life forms including women. Cut ties to all reptilian energy, any connection to the God & Goddess of war, chaos and destruction. Cut all ties to all oaths, vows, they have taken with each other. As all this energy is cut and removed from them we also ask that their reptilian brain is shut down and the Divine God brain re-activated. See this unwanted energy released from their energy field, cells, atoms, molecules, all the way down to their DNA. going backwards and forwards through all their incarnations. As this energy is released I call the violet flame through them & all their works that are misdirected. Cut all ties to all black art & negative ceremonies that are being done to keep veterans weak and confused. As all this unwanted energy is removed all war veterans are now reconnecting to their Higher Selves and becoming awakened spiritual beings. See them very excited as they are being given their Divine missions and purpose.. Let them fill up with Divine Respect for all walks of life.I call the Goddess of Truth to step into everything that the military does and into any secrets that are harmful to a veteran in any way or on any level. I command that all experiments that they are trying to hide, and those being experimented on, be brought to the surface in a way that NO person will be harmed. Let the truth come forward and let those being experimented on be cared for and justly compensated. I call to the Higher Selves of doctors and all health care providers or workers caring for these war veterans and I command that you be Divinely inspired to the cures, the proper medicine and treatment that can be given to body, mind and soul to help them heal. Let the divine treatments and all the sources needed come to the surface now. I ask that everyone who has been mistreated or experimented on be guided to the medicines or treatment they need to get well for free. I call to Ganesha and ask that you remove all blocks and energy overlays and bring the Divine treatments and all the sources need to the surface now, permitting people to discover the cures and that the people needing treatments receive them for free , not having to wait to be seen by any kind of doctor that they need.I ask that all war veterans who have taken on radiation or any other harmful chemical agent that they now carry in their bodies be surrounded in the energy of Angelite, which helps release all aches and pains. I ask that Michael cut the ties to all karma they took on and is now making them sick. I call the violet flame thru them to clean up their cells atoms molecules going down to their DNA. We command all the sick cells to mirror the healthy cells with the rest gently eliminated thru the natural waste release of the body fluids. We also ask this of any family member they may have unconsciously contaminated including all wives. We surround all their unborn children with extra healing and everything they need to be healthy while being carried in the wombs creating healthy births and children.We call to the higher self of all vets who are contemplating suicide for what they have witnessed and/or participated in willingly or not. Or have come back from war to not be able to function within their family unit creating much hardship for all. We ask Michael the arch angel to cut the ties to these war thoughts and we call the violet flame to transmute all out of balance energy you are holding in your minds and bodies reconnecting you to the creator. As that divine energy flows back into your body you are filled with a loving forgiving creator energy that releases you from what you have done. This now allows you to start looking forward at all the new possibilities you have in your life to be of service to others. This brings you much joy that you can help someone by passing on a kindness to someone near and dear to your heart. Or a stranger.As all war veterans reconnect to the creator their child within is given the Divine spark of life to bring it back to their conscious mind creating such a great joy that flows outward from them to all their families and friends. This creates a new functional family and life.You now see all people as your family, friends, aunts, uncles, sons and daughters and lay down your weapons, choosing not to hurt nor harm neither anyone nor yourself. We ask the Divine to awaken your spiritual being allowing love, compassion, kindness, caring, peace and Divine love to flow thru your body, mind and spirit. Again, being given their Divine missions and purposes.We call to the higher selves of all war veterans and their families. I ask that their higher selves get together for a little group meeting on the etheric plane with everyone putting their egos aside so everyone can communicate with much love, compassion and understanding. Let this be brought down into daily conversations that use words that are gentle loving and kind. From the hearts of all war veterans see a light flow from the heart to each one of their family members allowing for a reconnection thru love. Creating a peaceful functional family life that is full of joy and service to others.See more veteran’s mental health groups forming with full funding from the government or outside donations from caring funders.It is good to give our currant military force some attention now too.Working with the all military’s to help them reconnect to the Divine CreatorI call to the higher selves of everyone in all military’s foreign or domestic to help you step forward in the light, reconnect with the creator and become conscious beings. See all protesters as your family, friends, aunts, uncles, sons and daughters and lay down your weapons, choosing not to hurt nor harm anyone.A call to the Higher Selves of everyone in military’s worldwide and I command that you be Divinely Inspired in ways of stopping and preventing war and to put your energies toward more humanitarian efforts. That all research and manufacturing of all nuclear, electromagnetic, laser, microwave, star-war type, chemical, biological, germ, sound or other scientific warfare is immediately halted and dismantled. I call to the decision-makers of the military worldwide and everyone in the military and command that you come forward into the Light. If you choose not to work for humankind that you’re Higher Selves and the Angels put you in a position of total harmlessness and that a Light worker take your place. Or no one at all.We ask the Divine to awaken your spiritual being allowing love, compassion, kindness, caring, peace and Divine love to flow thru your body, mind and spirit.We ask your Higher selves to help you become conscious beings able to see clearly all military commands that are given with the courage to refuse bullets, not kill, hurt nor harm any living being. Refusing to go on kill missions for you now see everyone as family. Refusing shots. We send all of you lots of divine courage to refuse to be redeployed. You are all supported by your family and friends for these conscious decisions. If you choose to go AWOL than go back and fight may you all be invisible to all military and police authorities able to hide in plain site.We call to all the elementals of war you use cutting them free from your misuse, cleanse with the violet flame, reconnecting to the Creator. And command the elementals to be neutral. To misfire, not work, go off course and choose not to hurt nor harm any life form.May Divine- peace- calm- brotherhood-enlightened inspiration for putting together a balanced government descend around every one NOW…and continue to flow 24/7 365 days a year.So be it!Prayer to set the military men and woman free from bondageby Cathy BilskyIn the name of the presence of God, which I AM, through the magnetic power of the sacred fire vested in me, I command:A call to the Higher Selves of everyone in militaries worldwide and I command that you be Divinely Inspired in ways of stopping and preventing war and to put your energies toward more humanitarian efforts. That all research and manufacturing of all nuclear, electromagnetic, laser, microwave, star-war type, chemical, biological, germ, sound or other scientific warfare is immediately halted and dismantled. I call to the decision-makers of the military worldwide and everyone in the military and command that you come forward into the Light. If you choose not to work for humankind that you’re Higher Selves and the Angels put you in a position of total harmlessness and that a Light worker take your place. I send Divine Light to your hearts and brains.I call the Goddess of Truth to step into everything that the military does and into any secrets that are harmful to humankind in any way or on any level. I command that all experiments that they are trying to hide, and those being experimented on, be brought to the surface in a way that NO person will be harmed. Let the truth come forward and let these being experimented on be cared for and justly compensated. I call to the Higher Selves of doctors and all health care providers or workers caring for these Divine Beings and I command that you be Divinely inspired to the cures, the proper medicine and treatment that can be given to body, mind and soul to help them heal. Let the divine treatments and all the sources needed come to the surface now. I ask that everyone who has been mistreated or experimented on be guided to the medicines or treatment they need to get well for free. I call to Ganesha and ask that you remove all blocks and energy overlays and bring the Divine treatments and all the sources need to the surface now, permitting people to discover the cures and that the people needing treatments receive them for free. Let all who had to take military vaccines be guided to what will heal them – for free. Stop all unnecessary vaccines. Let all veterans and currant military receive all health care that they need. mental physical and spiritual.for freeTo put mercenaries in positions of harmlessness. NOWby Cathy BilskyWe call to Michael the arch angel to cut all ties that all mercenaries have with war, violence, gladiator mentality, rape pillage and plunder of earth and all life forms. Cut ties to all reptilian energy, any connection to the God & Goddess of war ,chaos and destruction. Cut all ties to all oaths ,vows, curses they have taken . As all this energy is cut and removed from them we also ask that their reptilian brain is shut down and the Divine God brain re-activated. As all this unwanted energy is removed from them see them reconnecting to their Higher Delves and becoming awakened spiritual beings. Being given their Divine missions and purposes. As they become awakened beings let them see all protesters and civilians as people to be protecting and be Divinely guided to put their energies to works of good. If they choose not to step forward in the light we ask the Higher selves and Guardian angels to put them in positions of total and complete harmlessness. Allowing a light worker to replace them..or no one at all.See them laying down their weapons and not choosing to fight. Let them be divinely inspired to spend more time with their family’s or just doing works of good. SO BE IT!!!Prayer to set all elementals of war free especially what is in all dod Manuel . by cathy Bilskyby Cathy BilskyNOT wanting to let this opportunity slip by. Please join me in putting all these elementals of war in positions of harmlessness…all listed in the DOD manual. How convenient .If it resonates please say it once a day and pass it on to others. You may use my big crystal to amplify your work.Prayer to set all elementals of war free especially what is in this dod Manuel .(108 pages of DOD “non-lethal” crap which is used for all kinds of torture on many of us including TIs!)In the name of the presence of God, which I AM, through the magnetic power of the sacred fire vested in me, I command:I call to Michael the Archangel to cut all ties to any black magician, secret societies, ET’s, Bormann group, Jesuit’s, the Illuminati, governments, military’s, special ops, special forces, all military contractors, police, all gangs and scientists that are trying to misuse these elementals by turning them into weapons to use against humans and the earth..As we cut the ties we call forth the violet flame to clean the elemental up, angelite energy to heal them now see them all reconnected to the creator.We command that all elementals of war such as guns, ammo, explosives, knives, bombs, land mines, trigger mechanisms, planes, drones , rockets, weapons, computers, gases, germs, satellites, electrical towers, microwave towers, bio genetics, sound waves and voodoo effigies all weapons listed in this manual. Including all elementals that are or will be used to manipulate into doing wrong (dolls, pictures, any personal item used with misintent), or any elementals that are being asked to hurt or destroy any life (human or elemental) on any level, be commanded through the Sacred Triangle of Humans, Angels and Elementals to misfire, disintegrate, choose to malfunction, go off course towards inert objects or generally be harmless and take the path of Love. We COMMAND ALL THESE WEAPONS OF WAR TO NO LONGER WORK IN HARMONY..May all equipment of war become infested with rats, bugs, termites, rats, snakes, killer bees mold and mildew. We place lots of very strong magnets on all computers and hard drives used for war.Let all who try and use these weapons become dyslexic and confused so all weapons they touch don’t function, they miss their targets or turn them on themselves. putting themselves out of commission. Never the less not our will but thy will be done.SO BE IT!!!!!!!!Cathy Bilsky
in my campaign for president. it’s a return to fundamentalist woman hating strata for the female taxpayer in america-which means slavery, debtors prisons and privatized police (SS).