Insights from the original domestic goddess...
By Becky | Activism & Human Rights, Featured Posts, KCAA Radio Shows
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I get what Cathy was saying about women only spaces or groups. I also get what Roseanne was saying about going into a group where you’ve been excluded. What no one said, Cathy or Roseanne or Kathleen is that in a personal revolution, it is very helpful to meet with people like you in a safe space. This is different from power broker groups, country clubs, business groups that exclude the less powerful and I really, really hope Roseanne addresses this.
Many women don’t even realize how they edit themselves continually to fit in. If women are in the presence of men, even trans men, they can edit what they say and how they say it. There is a need to have consciousness raising groups that are more tightly focused.
I’ll give you an example. I am a woman who works in a male dominated business, technology. I’ve joined some local groups for women in technology that framed themselves as a sort of power raising, safe place for women to openly discuss issues. In the last two years, some younger women say – why can’t men come? Men are feminists too – my husband should come. Well, with husband in tow, women just aren’t as honest. When we have a table of 9 women and one man, like flowers to the sun, the women start to edit themselves and all of a sudden do emotional care taking for the one man in presence. Things are not as frank any more and difficult topics are less frequently discussed so as to not risk offending. So these groups are now diminishing. One group of women in tech decided to take the word “lady” off their title of their group so as to not OFFEND and BE DIVISIVE.
It’s a loss, a real loss for a disempowered group to not be able to meet and define itself and be a safe place. Some younger feminists are naive to think that “well, why shouldn’t all attend??? I’ll bring my boyfriend/husband, even kids.” I wonder if the issue is having the strength to say, no, “boyfriend” you can’t go and I go some places in the evening that you cannot go.
And all of a sudden that one oasis you had where you didn’t have to attend to the feelings of a man and kids is gone. And I imagine it is the same for groups that want to narrowly focus instead of being all things to all people. For women, it is a problem that they must perform agreeableness at all times. And many times, for another group or sex to be there, they must care take these people’s feelings before their own – so they censor consciously and unconsciously. Frankly, if you wanted a group where men and women in tech are allowed to meet together, it would be 99.9% of all public clubs and groups. That is already met.
I am totally against same sex education or same sex careers, but to have a place where one hour or so a month you can go with other members and have a frank place where you don’t have to speak for everyone and don’t have to care take for every segment of society and just have a stronger affinity for a while – that’s powerful to women who have to perform everywhere.
Some younger feminists don’t get the need for the face to face safe space thing because they have not gotten to an age where they are really fully aware of the mind control that has occurred to them. Many times a safe place where their is high affinity makes them realize things about themselves that makes them healed. Frankly, you see this in drag queen competitions that disallow biological women from competing. They are allowed that on the idea that they need it. When biological women want to form a group, they are told they are not allowed that affinity and are told they must perform in the way that is acceptable.
Young women have social power that declines over time. And if they are blogging in their own echo chamber, they don’t get the need that other people have to have a safe face to face physical space where they do not have to consciously and unconsciously edit to please.
hi roseanne! i was really disappointed to hear that anyone of substance — like you — listens to cathy brennan about anything, but i respect your desire to give voice to each side of the debate. if i can say tho, it’s a little like giving david duke equal time with martin luther king jr. i don’t mean to make a dramatic comparison, but one side is COMPLETELY wrong. wrong morally, wrong intellectually, and WRONG — like, on the wrong side of history wrong, you know?
anyway, i’m glad you’ll have a transinclusive person on your show next week and it’s great to hear someone speak about feminism and feminist thought.
I LOVE ROSANNE I THINK SHES BLUNT AND TO THEY POINT NOT A FAKE OR SHOW OFF , LOVE YOU ROSANNE I WISH MORE WERE LIKE YOU .
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