to make the connection between my actions and my feelings…for instance, I was able to be aware of the fact that whenever I felt that my feelings were hurt, that was because I had been insensitive to someone else. Whenever I felt attacked, it was because I had blamed or yelled at someone shortly before. Whenever I was judging someone else, it was because I had previously done something wrong. Whenever I felt the need to point out someone for making a mistake, it was because I was hiding something I myself had done which was wrong. Also, whenever I felt it necessary to correct something I thought someone else was incorrectly doing, I realized that it was because I was wrong. Whenever I thought someone was not listening to me, it was because I was not listening to them. everything is a mirror to the ego.
after a couple years of meditation, i was able
This level of self awareness saved my life, because I was able to stop putting myself in harm’s way, and stop doing unsafe things, as well as needing other people’s approval far less. I was the kind of person who needed to lure people in and then attack them. (classic bi-polar, borderline behavior). When I finally saw that everything begins and ends with me, I felt for the first time some real control over my emotions.