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Oct
19

after a couple years of meditation, i was able

to make the connection between my actions and my feelings…for instance, I was able to be aware of the fact that whenever I felt that my feelings were hurt, that was because I had been insensitive to someone else.  Whenever I felt attacked, it was because I had blamed or yelled at someone shortly before.  Whenever I was judging someone else, it was because I had previously done something wrong.  Whenever I felt the need to point out someone for making a mistake, it was because I was hiding something I myself had done which was wrong.  Also, whenever I felt it necessary to correct something I thought someone else was incorrectly doing, I realized that it was because I was wrong.  Whenever I thought someone was not listening to me, it was because I was not listening to them.  everything is a mirror to the ego.

 This level of self awareness saved my life, because I was able to stop putting myself in harm’s way, and stop doing unsafe things, as well as needing other people’s approval far less.  I was the kind of person who needed to lure people in and then attack them.  (classic bi-polar, borderline behavior).  When I finally saw that everything begins and ends with me,  I felt for the first time some real control over my emotions.