February 17, 2009

sick secret:

some women who go back to men who have hit them are violent too--they escalate conflict by using verbal humiliation and often throw the first punch, but are then unable to withstand the strength of the man's counter attack.
Alot of guys hit women because the women are hitting them, verbally abusing them or throwing the keys to their car outside and goading them on, and they lose control of themselves. This is what it sounds like to be in the rhianna-chris brown affair.
there is no way out of violence if you are violent. the only way to win is not to play the game.
In the later stages of the game, once the guy threatens to kill her, it becomes almost impossible for her to leave. It often ends in homocide and frequently murder-homocide. It is possible for the woman not to continue to accept violence, but everything in this society is set up to make that extremely difficult.
i hope rhianna is getting counseling from a professional counselor who will tell her that there is no way for her to ever win, and that she will have to curtail her own penchant for escalating conflict by screaming at or hitting or humiliating her abuser.
I hope he gets real counseling too, that is not from a minister or his mom or any other shame based unsuccessful method that is designed to avoid dealing directly with self-control issues. I hope that they both leave each other alone and get over their faults.
I hope she does not continue to play the game with him.
If they still love each other after they learn self control and conflict resolution, then they can get back together. However, each of the violent partners needs to cease their own part in "the game". Becoming and partnering with a person who will not play is the only way for a "gamer" to escape the matrix of violence.

Posted at 2:45 PM   -  Permalink