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Mar
23

Johnny’s Easter Wish

Well, it’s that time of the Year when those of us who don’t want to be tortured in Hell forever think about how much God loves us. You know, you REALLY have to like somebody a whole big bunch to prove it by letting a sadistic police state torture your only kid to death in public. What an imagination that God has, huh, Gang? That’s WAY better than flowers and candy, although those chocolate bunnies always were the true meaning of Easter for me.
I wish I had a shekel for every ancient cult whose mythology involved a superhero who stood up to the bad guys, got killed and then came back to life. They were usually born of a virgin and they invariably went into a scary cave or tomb where shit was hitting big fans and then they came out victorious. Yay! I wonder if The Tunnel of Love was big even back in the earliest Neolithic amusement parks.
I don’t want to seem ungrateful for Jesus’s huge sacrifice. I thank people like crazy just for getting me from the airport. However, and I hope this doesn’t rile up any inbred, banjo-picking, Buybull-thumping, racist, misogynist, hooker-patronizing TV evangelists or their well-meaning lemming-like followers….BUT, what exactly was the huge sacrifice if JC got up 3 days later and got beamed up to Heaven? My dad suffered horribly from Cancer for months and months and then died and had to go into a hole in the ground and stay there. That was after a lifetime of busting his ass every day out in all kinds of weather so that my life could be better than his. He never thought of himself, he had one suit and he got buried in it. And he’s still laying there and holding down the fort without bitching about it. And, get this: he never ONCE said to me, “Hey, I sacrificed, you OWE me….BIG TIME!”
Now, THAT’S how a REAL father showed love.
Happy Easter, Everybody…..you know the drill.