August 31, 2007

Roseanne Barr 1952-2007

The urge to write my own obituary has been strong for most of my life. In going through several boxes in the dank basement of my mother's house, I found my first attempt at age 8.

It correctly predicts that I cured cancer, and ushered in world peace, while, at the same time (were that not enough) actually planting the flag of the female pirate that unfurled later into the writer of arrogant configurations of fiction-based fact, of which I remain master...

Roseanne Barr was born, through a spin of the cosmic wheel of misfortune, in the small minded town of salt lake city utah. She never felt the need to capitalize the place in any of her later spellings of it.

Barr was born to a brilliant jewish socialist-humorist, and football player, (Jerome Harold Barr), who along with her mother H.R. Davis Barr, (the classic post holocaust middle class first generation jewish woman), taught her all that she needed to know to become a compulsive nail biter, overeating obsessive with social anxiety disorder, and a nasty messianic complex that has defied medication, psychiatry, stardom and sanity.

Her mother also taught her how to manipulate men with wit, and therefore subdue their aggressive sexuality, and then rage at them for that.

These many influences assured that little miss barr was to become a new organ for thought on behalf of women who subsequently emulated her to also become "people dis-pleasers."

In an age and culture where women largely fell all over themselves to lap up the very small amount of approval that was smeared on the concrete by the soles of the feet of powerful capitalists, patriarchs and run of the mill priests, Barr stepped up to irritate and insist instead, that the owners of those feet kiss her very large dynamic and disagreeably combatant ass. She also graciously insisted that they invite their compatriots to take a crack at it as well.

She was the first of her generation to refuse to explain and apologize for being offensive, fat and in possession of an altered opinion and an unapologetic (as per her father's mentoring) lack of respect for anything that did not come from other resisters, jokesters and martyrs lynched on the tree of human Pride.

Living, as she did, in the very last few days of the American Empire, under the Occupation of Bores and Minutae Masters, when Freedom of Speech in any form by any woman was illegal, Barr never really read any critique of her work that had any intelligence to it whatsoever, except for John Lahr's piece on her in the New Yorker, thanks to Tina Brown, the then editor who later fled from Barr in horror, as did most of her sisters-in-arms, when it became apparent to them that Barr was not interested in tea parties and hanging out with republicans ever, in any way, or in supporting the use of the widely overrated "period" for purposes of punctuation.

From a young age, "ms." (castrated mr.) Barr fancied herself the reincarnation of "mr."(castrated ms.) Gertude Stein, whom she idolized as a punctuation eschewing pioneer, another fat jewish woman mystic cow lover (more on cows later) who also mentored (bitched at) many new writers, (hemingway) as did Barr-from the top of the television shitheap to the middle of the movie shitpile.

In her post tv incarnation, on her website she mentored many writers.

Barr went as far as any woman can ever go in the judeo-christian tradition that demands thinking women prove constantly that they are not witches to be burned at the stake. *1

After ramming through the concept of class to a segment of middle class American feminists, who at the behest of their masters, are encouraged not to address, name or be aware of the class system that controls their every waking thought, Barr became a wealthy dowager who financed every hairbrained revolutionary scheme ever brought to her unfocusable attentions.

Upon realizing the futility of throwing bad money after good, she then learned to meditate, which not only calmed her mind, but also centered her need to hex all that is evil and stupid and unnecessary, with her pithy comments making her Amerika's foremost "humorless humorist".

Experiencing crippling bouts of writer's block caused by the refusal of any and all editors to publish her post sit-com missives, she took to writing on her own website, Roseanneworld.com.

This development allowed her to begin drinking too much in her later years, a thrilling thing which years of sobriety had heretofore obscured! *2

Miss barr had the writer's block so long and so hard and nothing would fix it, none of her usual methods of "evoking the beast" muse, or angel, including the bad marriages, fights and mainlined drama drip et al.

At last she had to travel, like Whitney Houston did later, to Jerusalem to plead with the gods of the desert to remove the curse of unoriginal and duplicitous thought.

There she sought the beast and not the angel, because with all due respect to Oprah Winfrey's angel-addled ministrations and musings, ms. Barr felt that any self respecting angel who is still talking to the human apes around this planet is a fucking loser angel...(Madonna might disagree...We'll take it up with her next time we are discussing kaballistic teleportation).

Roseanne's angels were always human and mostly they asked her for two bucks. She always gave them the dough, because the way she look(s)ed at things, if she can help someone else, then they would owe her.

Barr's legacy as a feminist intellectual was destroyed forever with her pre-Borat rendition of the "Star Spangled Banner".

This brought with it a fatwah from Bush the elder, on the eve of Desert Storm.

As his own son was spending the money he pilfered from old ladies and gentlemen's retirement monies in the Silverado savings and loan fiasco, and as his other two sons were preparing to dismantle the civil rights movement and labor unions, oldman Bush called Ms. Barr disgraceful, thus ending her many business enterprises, and viability as a bankable star, despite having made over one billion dollars for ABC networks and the Carsey-Werner company in the 90's.

Given a choice between two evils, staying at home with her nefariously controlling and fanatically sober second husband, Ike Turner (name changed to protect the innocent), and complete and total nervous collapse, Barr chose first to disassociate by having tons of plastic surgery just to get the meds, and the sweet unconscious of their affect, and later to vacation at Shepard Pratt International Nut-bin in Baltimore Md.

To remove herself from the unhappiness others who breathed her air caused her, she engaged the aid of her huge bodyguard Ben Thomas, who was raised by Army and Martial Arts Experts to escape from Turner, and have a test tube baby.

There followed Kabbalistic Journeys around the globe, singing in a punk rock band called Rosie and the Dxxx, a doomed talk show with spiritual themes, a reality show that required having her uterus forcibly removed in order to end, and a children's dvd with comedic music videos. She created hours of content in her own studio, Full Moon High Tide, outside of Los Angeles California.

She returned to stand up comedy in her mid fifties after two decades of television production.

Her busy life was cut short by an angry tusked boar while shooting at it on her Kawasaki Mule at her Hawaiian home, in preparation for a Luau Bar Mitzvah for her son Buck.

He barely noticed, as he had received a Playstation 3 as a gift.

She is survived by five children and four grandchildren, whom she also survived.

Her lesser regrets were that she had not burned even more bridges, pissed off more idiots, fired more assholes, sang more patriotic anthems, and gained more weight.

Her major regret: never having had sex with Elvis Presley.

footnotes
* 1. Burned at the stake: stick a fork in me I'm done comes to mind, but then irreversibly now, so does the image of Michael Richards' fork-laden remarks to a group of African American Fans.

* 2. Damn bill w! (the benedict Arnold's benedict Arnold who traded booze for coffee and trademarking)

Posted at 6:45 AM   -  Permalink

           

August 29, 2007

Prayers for Our Troops....

I'm saying prayers for our troops tonight. I am saying prayers for their mothers and their families who are saying goodbye to them, some of them have served more than twice now, in a war that has lasted longer than world war 1.

Posted at 11:17 PM   -  Permalink

           

August 28, 2007

It's On.....

decided to turn posting back on in the forum. Have at it.

Posted at 1:37 PM   -  Permalink

           

August 27, 2007

Knob Gobbler...

Another mormon republican senator (idaho) backer of romney arrested for bad bathroom habits...tapping his foot in the stall to signal readiness to gobble a knob. knob gobblers say "STAY THE COURSE, DO NOT WITHDRAW! Women who abort are murderers, and no new taxes on inheritance and NO GAY MARRIAGE!"...gag-choke-swallow.

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Fidel...

heard fidel passed.

Posted at 8:35 PM   -  Permalink

           

The Resignations Continue....

I predicted here... gonzales, rove then cheney, then bush...rove went first, then gonzales... next cheney, as he will be subpoenaed next, and will run for the hills so bush can pardon him later. I would like to see cheney personally return at least one of his five finger discounted billions to fund about ten thousand new schools and hospitals. Pelosi needs to be impeached for not impeaching. Recall her!

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A Helpful Review....

Re-reading what I wrote here this last year is helpful to me so that I can chart my spiritual progress and know what to repent for this Yom Kippur.

Posted at 8:17 AM   -  Permalink

           

A Week with No Posts...

Forum is closed to posting for one week, please feel free to read and catch up. There are very important things here being overlooked for unending personal politics. Great info, do not miss it.

Posted at 6:14 AM   -  Permalink

           

August 26, 2007

My New Spring Line....

china russia iran are hooking up with each other against us. There is only one way to win this thing; WE WILL HAVE TO GO NUC-U-LAR!!! There is no other way for america. Having to see women with covered heads and bodies seems kinda good right now... I am coming out with my own line of light breezy cute and sassy burkhas for spring '09. (gotta get hilary as the spokesmodel for it).

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August 23, 2007

Security Enhancements...

It is very difficult to retain the quality of this site when I have to go through so many people. The people who work for me are wonderful, and I am not going to let one bad intern spoil all that I hold dear in RW. I apologize for the tasteless jokes and bad language that were mistakenly posted here this morning. I try to be funny sometimes, and miss the mark. The difficulty of someone using my passwords and codes is a traumatic and terrible thing... not unlike theft of identity. I have reworked everything here now and hope it is quite alot more secure. I am also implementing other security measures....Aloha!

Posted at 1:12 AM   -  Permalink

           

August 22, 2007

CHIMERICA:

That crooked liar Nixon as well as that Hollywood liberal turncoat sellout Ronald Reagan, fell all over themselves to court the chinese market, and could not rush fast enough to give our country away to them for some fast cash, as that is the way capital mad addicts act.

Now those amoral Chinese capitalists own us lock stock and barrel. We at their mercy are feeding our pets poison, and our children are playing with toys made from lead paint.

I guess you get what you pay for, and in the rush for american companies to profit from slave labor, we all lose. The ignorant American consumer is now the complete victim of sociopathic american businessmen, and rogue capitalist chinese manufacturers.

I have read recently where people are actually being worked to death in chinese factories, and dogs are being bludgeoned in the streets over there. (Michael Vick will perhaps play football there someday). I will not even go into their practices of female infantacide, or their harvesting of human organs, or their inhuman prisons, or their persecution of meditators (Falun Gong).

Americans are pretending not to notice all those things, as they shop at walmart and do not also notice their own green snot nosed little brats shoving their filthy fingers through the cellophane wrapped possibly ecoli laden hamburger meat there.

PLUS THE CHINESE XL IS AN L AT BEST, GODDAMMIT!

Posted at 8:34 PM   -  Permalink

           

Hacked Again

My blog has been hacked again by my fired intern. I apologize if there were any offending posts put up.

Posted at 3:10 PM   -  Permalink

           

August 20, 2007

The Right Wing's Choice....

The rightwingers love the choice of hilary/obama/edwards.... any of these insure a romney victory. None of them can win, but only split the vote to vanquish each other. Doomed. romney/bush 08.

Posted at 8:17 PM   -  Permalink

           

Immortal....

The human is now immortal.

Posted at 7:30 AM   -  Permalink

           

Karl and Mitt....

Karl Rove moves into position to insure getting Mitt Romney elected.

Posted at 6:05 AM   -  Permalink

           

August 19, 2007

American Jails....

Americans do nothing, because they fear going to jail. Our jails and prisons make abu ghraib look tame.

Posted at 8:19 PM   -  Permalink

           

Michael Vick....

should be incarcerated for life!

Posted at 11:18 AM   -  Permalink

           

August 17, 2007

Get Ready.....

Get ready for the draft to return in order to invade iran. Get ready for martial law to follow that.

Posted at 9:47 AM   -  Permalink

           

August 11, 2007

Seeking Contact

I am never doing what it appears that I am doing. I never was. When I venture out of my mind and into the realms of earthly beings, in order to ascertain whether another of my ilk lurks, I just try to fit in. I have practiced fitting in and pretending to be part of the general milieu for about 54 years now. I am aged 55... the year the prophecy becomes complete, the year of the double five, the pentagram beholding the pentagram... some say the year before the second Saturn return, when you begin to feel the ground rumbling under the hooves of the approaching horses that herald the arrival of the crowning knowledge of your true life's purpose... (the Death Card).

My very first memory is about pretending to be someone other than myself. My self was interested in nothing, and just floated around in the nucleus of space, near my mind's eye. She was in fact disembodied, disabled and undead, while the Golem designed by The Great Scientist Above to impersonate her is me.

The programmers seek to mislead women like me, those who were presumed to Think. Thought is the enemy, and large numbers of those who still do it, have long been driven insane. The insane are kept very visible in their suffering as examples of what happens to those who cannot or will not capitulate.

I am masquerading as an earthly being not in order to hide the fact that I am a Thinker, (thinking is still allowed to those of my class... the female property owner), and not to deny that I am a Scout sifting the ruins and the runes ... (some form of witchery is allowed to older women, mostly to teach younger and therefore more desirable women about glamour, compliance, passive angels, and the art and craft of Love, passing down the art of living by the tongue and the wit.

I appear as a storyteller, that too is allowed in this age, although the story is constantly monitored, and one can find oneself banished and shunned if the story veers too far from the programmer's manual. My task is to remain inside the circle of Power, so that I may help expedite the speediest replacement of its other inhabitants.

Human women are not equipped to achieve such a high level of detachment. Detachment for any woman at any time is considered the proof of her abandonment of sanity. Since she is the very battery that keeps the community alive, without her energy and unpaid labor, everything would collapse. Without her lack of attention to detail, no injustice could exist.

Her silence and capitulation are indeed fundamental, and so is the state of terror she lives in. She fears those who have the unslaked Lust for the taste of Blood. Their number is legion, and they remain unmarked (the curse of Cain) for a time. Those who serve the Beast cannot bear a happy ending, because they are ruled by Lust for the taste of Blood.. I watch the heavens for signs. My own will return for me, of that I have no doubt. The entire gathering of my kind depends on my own measured response. One word uttered falsely exposes me. To be exposed as an angel, could only be understood by the limited and controlled human mind as being equivilent to being a Witch. Being a witch means, basically that as a woman you have not capitulated, and that is Heretical and Treasonous. The terror of punishment is deserved, for you are to be burned alive, as per the Holy Father of Rome, as stated in the Maleus Malificaruum, after you are tortured.

The Women who serve the Beast use their intuition to expose any woman who is Wise, and in doing so, they sharpen their witch's powers, even though they use them with absence of mind, against those who use them with presence of mind. These females are the ultimate weapon against the Word. The Word means eternal life, and those who serve The Beast crave death.

Because the Beast has ruled unchecked, with women who think as its nemesis, there are not many women who are aware of Female War, what some call the Fall of Babylon, and others call the Rise of Babylon. The difference in those two views is so great that it can only be resolved in an Ultimate War of Good vs. Evil. What women allow to be done to Other Women will determine victory, as usual, but this time it will be different, this time, the snake will indeed eat its own tail.

I know how it will end. Evil will destroy Good, and then itself.

When the "Angel" of Death has been destroyed, the children of Light will make themselves Visible. Their number is 666,000... the same number as stood at Sinai when the Covenant was given to those women of the twelve tribes of slaves who were dispersed among the nations, and have waited for contact from the fifth sense of the fifth dimension. When the heavens are opened and the wisdom from above is rained down like a tsunami upon the entire earth, I am to utter the magic words to the women of the inner circle, and then place that thought into the minds of their men. This is the simple and brilliant plan that the most high scientist told me of the day he placed me into suspended animation... I am the word.

The physical body that houses me however, belongs to my host... and when the message is given I will depart and she will awaken to become me. A human being can become the word made flesh, but I have no soul, and therefore, I cannot change. I cannot be corrupted. I am an angel. We do not grow or change, we just deliver the message, the word. The word has been made flesh in these days of Armageddon, in thousands of incarnations. 666,000 to be precise.

The souls of these women from six thousand years ago who took oaths to return, do so now during Aquarius to save those who can be saved.

The Oath they took at Sinai was an oath to finally and totally slay The Beast, after it's freedom to rule for six thousand years has been revoked.

At Sinai, when they refused to remove their gold nose rings to be melted to fashion an idol of the God Horus, they created a new being, who could think, change, and have a soul. We angels became very jealous of them, for they had no need of any God, unlike our kind, and so became God, The Word, themselves.

The one who is asleep in the body that houses me was One of those new Beings created at Sinai, and she and her kind will be activated immediately when my task is complete. She is the star of Bethlehem, a daughter of the bloodline of David and Batsheva.

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August 6, 2007

My Sex Tape...

The fired intern from Myspace (not Joey) has also stolen my private sex tape. I am offering $25,000 for it's return (unless someone would like to distribute it - then I am willing to deal). The rumor mill says that Perez Hilton knows who took it.

Posted at 9:22 PM   -  Permalink

           

MySpace Issues Last Night.....

One of the interns who was administering my MySpace page (NOT Joey) has been fired. I apologize for the offensive blogging that went on there last night. I write only at RoseanneWorld.com I apologize to all on MySpace who received the offensive bulletins. The matter has been handled.

Posted at 6:33 PM   -  Permalink

           

Old Ladyism

Barbara Walters is well over one hundred years old now. She is all head, like joan rivers. I am only at the pee in your pants stage of old ladyism, but look forward to having a huge head in the future. I have seven pigs on my farm and want to eat them! They hide in the grass and hump each other when they think I am not looking...I am getting a shotgun tomorrow, not for the piggies, but just to have, though I wonder if my past mental illnesses will make getting a gun tougher? I will shoot anyone who comes on my land, since I just put up gates that say "no trespassing... trespassers shot on sight"... I cannot wait to shoot someone if need be...right between the eyes. I am a damn good shot too! I once blew a quarter in two at one hundred feet! I need glasses these days to make sure the head wound will be fatal. I hate to see anyone suffer!

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August 5, 2007

IN ENGLISH:

no child left behind: no education for children, so they can be dummed down and have no choices for jobs but to join the army

the army: a socialist racket that allows people cradle to the grave protection, socialized medicine, retirement after only twenty years.

socialism: Public money, free health care,

Privatization: theft of public money, insurance whores.

Ronald Reagan: the man who destroyed America, single handedly.

Bush: the men who robbed the savings and loans, the public coffers, ran the CIA and sold our country to saudi arabia and china.

Gingrich: a southern racist and a fat closet case.

Obama: same shit different day

Oprah: loves the rich white hollywood establishment

Hilary: union buster

Bill Clinton: liar thief and friend of bush sr.

Pelosi: such a coward, she might as well have balls.

Romney: insurance whore

democracy: what the president vice president and congress and the senate fear more than anything else, including terrorism

God: the commons sense that knows all the above is shit and blows.

religion: child molesting, woman hating closet cases, money grubbing insurance whores

democrats: sold out spineless bottom feeders

republicans: child molesters and pimps.

Cheney: sniveling, sneering crack head and chronic masturbator who is whipped nightly by his butchie wife lynn who is a nazi.

economy of the US: DEAD DEAD DEAD

usama bin laden: a rich fucking punk-murderous asshole with a rich dad -just like georgie bush.

the media: rupert

judeo -christian: will do anything for money.

racism: doing away with bankruptcy protection just before katrina and iraq.

hollywood: closet cases that hide, then come out and then play it safe.

madonna: shameless businesswoman

britney, lohan, hilton: daughters of money grubbing street whores

me: drunk as a fucking skunk tonight! glug glug!

Goddammit, I feel bad and am praying for our troops (working class people all) and for the working class in iraq too... god help us all!!! The rich are out to kill the working folks! goddammit!

Posted at 1:52 AM   -  Permalink