as president I will:

forgive all student loans, offer single payer universal health care, abolish the IRS, kick out the fed and institute a new currency that rolls over when the dollar tanks.  I will also stop each war immediately and invest in farming the breadbasket of the world, the good old usa.  I will do everything that right thinking folks want me to do.  I will quite simply, repazzent for them in the hallowed halls of government where the public’s dollars are dividing amongst the already rich.  I will step forward, knocking every other woman alive in the room out of the goddess picture for at least one full moment.  My dress will be made by marina rinaldi, the greatest designer ever for the more womanly figures.

I will legalize marijuana and stop the war on drugs that is killing so many innocent young girls in Juarez.  Nafta is just about benefitting drug lords!  Bill Clinton, man you made a bad mistake, and ACORN let you know it.